All Your Fault
by Sarryn
Summary: How a day in my life was ruined by a character from Slayers. Warning: Content is mostly true. (Don't worry, I like ALL the characters in Slayers so there won't be any character bashing)


The incidents mentioned by characters are true, on the other hand the characters exist either in my mind or in someone else's (namely the creator of the Slayers). Don't sue unless you want my friend's ugly cat candle. Warning: Strangeness ahead. Please review.   
  
  
  
All Your Fault  
  
  
  
"Xelloss!" an angry voice echoed menacingly through the odd house in the lavender anime void. "Where the hell are you?"  
  
The aforementioned individual glanced up from the newspaper he had been reading and wondered if he should hide. If he wasn't mistaken the owner of the voice was Sarryn and she didn't seem happy. Smiling he decided not to go anywhere, he found her especially entertaining when she was in one of those moods.   
  
"I'm in here," he replied, neatly folding the paper and placing it on a randomly floating end table. The house began to shake and a frightened blue dog, which came from somewhere, darted out. Suddenly the front door exploded in a corona of fire and several burning skulls momentarily appeared in the flames.  
  
"Xelloss, this is all your fault!" the angry author yelled, dark power seething within the depths of her black eyes. He looked her up and down not seeing anything wrong with her, at least physically.   
  
"I don't see anything wrong with you, Sarryn," he replied amiably. A second later he was suffocating under an avalanche of paper. With a puzzled look on his face he resurfaced and scanned a few pieces. Suddenly a light dawned on him, literally.  
  
The Goddess of Oblivion had opened the skylight above him in order to discover the reason for the disturbance Sarryn had caused.   
  
"What's going on?" she asked curiously.  
  
"Sarryn's been obsessing about me again," Xelloss replied with a wicked laugh, waving one of the many pictures of himself so the Goddess could see it. "I think she's caught my true self don't you think?"  
  
"That's you? I thought it was a volcano exploding or a bug that had flown into a windshield," the Goddess remarked.   
  
"That's not the point!" Sarryn yelled angrily. The Goddess waved her hand blithely and closed the skylight leaving Xelloss and enraged author alone. An innocent smile played across the priest's lips as he regarded her with closed eyes. The overwhelming power of her negative emotions had begun to make him 'high', if such a thing was possible for a Mazoku.  
  
"I should have been paying attention in class, but no, you just had to be so cute and sexy that I couldn't concentrate on anything else," she accused him, posing dramatically as rings of fire spread out from her. He arched a violet eyebrow and regarded in amusement.  
  
"You make it sound like a bad thing," he remarked sardonically. She glared at him and suddenly a shiny blue car landed on top of him, or would have if he hadn't phased away in time.   
  
"You did that too!" she declared pointing at a long scratch behind the right back tire of the car.   
  
"I did?" he asked incredulously. "I don't think I was there for that."  
  
"I was so busy thinking about you that I swiped another car when changing lanes," she informed him coldly. As if to emphasize her point great plumes of flame shot from her feet and hair. Xelloss stared at her for a moment and then glanced behind her.  
  
"Hello," he called to the Phoenix Guardian. The fiery haired woman fully materialized behind Sarryn and gave the priest a small wave.   
  
"I'm here to do special effects for her," the Guardian informed him cheerfully. "She's going to let me have Dilly from Escaflowne for a week now."  
  
The peeved author cleared her throat as she noticed her dramatic fire effects had been reduced to pathetic clouds of gray smoke. The Phoenix Guardian apologized and soon a good-sized blaze surrounded Sarryn.  
  
"Now then what are you going to do about this?" Sarryn demanded, flipping back her long, ebon braid over one shoulder.  
  
He waggled his finger and opened one eye, "That's a secret." The girl screamed and an anonymous penguin walked by after giving them all a strange look. Becoming bored the Phoenix Guardian left in order to spend some quality time with Dilly. Alter egos were so unreliable.   
  
"It's not a secret! It's not a damn secret!" the author yelled and then began to strangle the Mazoku. He allowed her to do this for a few minutes out of sheer perversity and for his own amusement, then he phased behind her.   
  
She emitted a small shriek when he gave her braid a light tug. Glaring murderously, her rage nowhere near expended, she prepared to lunge at him. Instead she was stopped short when he fully opened his eyes and placed a delicate kiss upon her lips.   
  
She stood staring at him in dazedly before vanishing. Xelloss glanced left, then right and finally down.  
  
"Oops," he murmured as he stared at the happy author puddle on the ground. Had he simply opened his eyes or just kissed her she might have stayed solid, but the combination of the two was more than she could withstand. Thus she was a blushing puddle at his feet, literally. The liquid bubbled slightly as if in an attempt to speak and then it oozed out of the room.  
  
A few moments later a fully solidified Sarryn entered the room looking confused.  
  
"What was I saying again?" she asked. Xelloss smiled secretively and shook his head in amusement.  
  
****  
  
  
Feel the insanity and randomness that is my mind. Please review if you're brave enough. I don't know if I'll continue it, but if I do it will most likely become even stranger, if that's possible.   



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